beneath the skin,

Project 366.

2012-02-05T21:43:00.003+08:00

Hello, I have missed out on so much. I just got my laptop back & my uni life has suddenly gone into super duper hectic mode. Because I've been so busy, I've decided to make a Project 366 blog, where I will have bite-sized updates that are not too lengthy, but just enough ! All my recaps of the previous days will be there, so do visit !

http://carolynnkzy366.blogspot.com

loves.

Twenty twelve.

2012-01-05T11:17:00.002+08:00

I know I owe a really really huge long big whooping update to every one of my readers. But it's so very difficult right now because my laptop went kaput. Such a bummer but what choice do I have ? Right now, I am updating from my Dad's iPad, and as much as I love this device, it has tons of limitations and it is just not the same.

The new year is here, 2K12. Supposedly the end of the world ? We don't know for sure. But I have a gut feeling that this is going to be one of those years that are extremely amazing. I have a friend, Claire, who started on the Project 366, which has gotten me intrigued. I would start but as for now, there are many limitations to which methods I can update my blog in.

I could always use my iPhone... But then again,

Funny story, really. I got robbed just after New Year started. Like less than an hour after the New Year ushered in. Naturally, my parents & my grandma believed it was a sign that I was getting rid of all my "bad karma" at the beginning of the year & that this bad event was to " buang suay " as us nyonyas call it. To throw away all the bad stuff and come in with new ones. And my Dad also mentioned that it was just my phone that got stolen & nothing else, plus I didn't get hurt. So, it was a good sign ?

I'm upset nonetheless. My iPhone is barely 5months old and I've already lost her. But what can I do ? For now I'm a fully fledged Blackberry user. Not that I dnt love it, but it's extremely short (6hours on it's best day) battery lifespan is just irritating & it's lag time and extremely small memory space just kills me. K, maybe I should just be grateful that I have a phone to use. But :/

For now, my Maxis number is on hold, because I haven't got the time to drag my mum to the Maxis centre. And I'm only relying on my UMobile. Those who don't have that number can stil contact me via Twitter or Facebook :)

Anyway, I am sort of excited for Uni next week (9th Jan) and also Foster the People on the 13th, as well as Tim's 19th birthday at G Tower & Bridge Bar :) so maybe the start to the new year isn't so bad after all !

Loves.

X

under-appreciated.

2011-12-07T09:50:00.005+08:00

Listening to : Skinny Love (Cover) by Ed Sheeran

Hello ! I know it's been an awfully long time since I ever appeared here, but it's not like I can help it :( My finals finished about a month ago, and since then I've attended a couple more weddings, a holiday or two, tons of shopping sprees & best of all, the Moovement 2011 ! :) More on that in a few more posts to come.

Today, I've decided to update because I woke up earlier than usual, and before I head out, I thought I'd just give a quick update on my life. Sort of. I've been checking the visitor count (hahaha, so self-absorbed) on my blog & my daily view count hasn't been going any lower, so I know you guys are regularly checking for updates. So I'm really sorry in advance !

Okay, so to start this post off, I'm sure majority of my readers/Twitter followers/Facebook friends, or stalkers, know that I am an avid smartphone user. Basically, I'm just a sucker for new tech gadgets and such.

Awhile ago, back in June actually, I switched my black iPhone for a white one, simply because I thought it looked more feminine -_-

and until this day, I'm still the proud owner of my amazingly beautiful white iPhone 4. And not long after I bought my white iPhone, this is what came in the mail !

the iPad 2, also very white & beautiful.

Previously, I owned the first generation Macbook, from waaaaaaaaaaay back when I was 14. And it's currently brain-dead. And also I still have my first generation iPod touch, which is still alive and used to store songs as backup.

Despite being a huge Apple gadget geek,

things have to change.. Right ?
So in the middle of everything, I got a Blackberry Bold 2.

with my Gong Cha ^_^
And after that, I also became an avid Blackberry user ! I find it very convenient for all my social networking thingos that I use daily. At that time, I used Digi because my friends convinced me it was the cheapest.

If I remember correctly, at that time it was RM2 a day for Unlimited BIS, which to me, is crazy expensive because it meant having to pay RM60 for a whole month.

But, I slaved through it, and eventually the price went down to 98sen/day. Which was still 30 bucks. And then they came out with this thing that you paid only RM25/month. Which was much cheaper.

Through all my exams and everything, I eventually stopped using my Blackberry entirely because of the annoying hassle of trying to reload my Digi number because for no reason, it kept draining my credit. I didn't text or call anyone, so I didn't see where my money was going to.

Eventually, I sold off my Bold 2, and now I'm a proud owner of the,

Torch 9850!
Been having this baby for almost a month and it's amazing. Fast, reliable and extremely user-friendly. But here's a twist, I stopped using Digi entirely. Because, I've found something much better!

UMOBILE!
Everyone condemns UMobile because they say it's not an established company, etc etc. People say the line is bad and all that, but to be honest, Digi's line is far worse. I can't even get Digi 3G in my own house. I have had NO problems with UMobile so far. The best thing about their 3G line, is that they're tied with Celcom ! So anywhere you're unable to get UMobile 3G, the Celcom line steps in, and ta-da you have 3G. And you gotta bear in mind that Celcom does indeed have the largest coverage in Malaysia.

That's not the only reason I switched. Another reason is because of the extremely cheap rates. I'm paying only RM19/month for unlimited Blackberry services. NINETEEN. THATS CRAZY.

Another thing is that, even if you're not a Blackberry user, for RM68 a month, you can get 3GB of data, 150 minutes of calls to UMobile, 150 minutes of calls to other lines, etc etc. Just going to emphasize on that 3GB of data. Which is impossible to even get in Maxis. Because Maxis' 2GB/month without calls and smses is RM155.

And if you use prepaid (like me), when you reload RM10, you can 10 days of free calls. When you reload RM30, you can get 30 days of free calls.

And instead of the usual, you top up RM10, you can only use for 10 days, in UMobile, if you top up RM10, you can get 30 days ! If you top up RM30, you can get 90 days! This means your credit won't expire as fast as you using it.

Here's my new Torch powered by uMobile's BIS service

I'm not working for uMobile or anything like that. They're not paying me. Hahaha, but I just thought I'd share something good with everyone because people constantly complain about Digi's cheap rates but extremely horrible line. So why not use something that has both cheap rates and good line ? :)

---

That's my short? update :P sort of. Gonna head out now. Shall update more when I get home.

p/s: Have you noticed me saying Hi over there ? :D

welcome.

2011-10-30T16:45:00.002+08:00

Listening to : Soft Shock (Acoustic) by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs

thinking of privating my blog. BUT I don't see any reason to. because I know most of my readers do not have a blogger account of their own, which will make it difficult for them to read mine. so nevermind :) I still owe you guys a post about the Klang wedding. which I haven't done yet. SOOOO, tunggu la yea ;p maybe tomorrow after my studying.

ANYWAY, my dad got me this little cutie today.

isn't he adorable?
its for my phone. but for now he's just decoration. or maybe I'll put my Smart Tag in there.

oooooh yesterday, this person,

came to my house to play FIFA with my brother. this picture was taken without his knowledge. I hope you never see this :p

heee, okay, that's a short update. cos I'm so hungryyyyyy. shall looks for nom nom noms now. thank you for reading this awesome post. HAHA. bye!

loves.

X

beyond.

2011-10-28T12:56:00.007+08:00

Listening to : The Boys (소녀시대) by SNSD/Girls' Generation

HELLO, update time! I decided I've got enough time to update about my Aunty Sherlene & Uncle James' Melaka wedding.

BEFORE I START OFF , THIS POST IS EXTREMELY LONG AND CONTAINS A MILLION ZILLION PICTURES.

most of the pictures below are taken with this extremely beautiful camera! :D which I can only wish it's mine. damn.

Melaka Wedding ; 8th October 2011

the day started out wonky as usual. arrived in Melaka the day before, on a Friday, and went over at night for a customary dinner at my Aunty Sherlene's house. I think there are pictures of that night (somewhere) but currently I don't have them! anyway, we had our dinner then continued helping out with the stuff. woke up the next morning & got ready all the stuff to be transported !

it was around 12pm, when we loaded the THREE cars, including this Hilux.

that's the so-tidak-glamour groom standing up there while we load the stuff + the wishing tree.

angry bird -_- hahaha

and these two monkeys sat at the back of the Hilux. that's my cousin, Hazel. Jazzie, Carrie-Ann, Mabel, Aunty Jill, plus me, of course, sat inside the extremely packed Hilux.

the wedding was at Avillion Legacy, Melaka! when we got there, the rooms weren't quite ready. so we wandered off to the ballroom on the sixth floor. and decided to carry everything up & set things first. before we went up.

that's Avillion. a not so glamour picture because the car was moving.

the party favours. so cute, right! can you believe this is MY blood and sweat and DNA poured into all of this? my fingers practically got glued to some of the boxes.

PROOF, I painstakingly pasted every single one of these babies with the stickers.

not very clear. but I'm making the James box :P

adorbs, no?

setting this corner up.

supposedly helping. HAHA.
so after setting everything up : photobooth, wish tree, reception corner + checking of the sound system and the walk-in space, WE FINALLY WENT UPSTAIRS. yessss, ALL OF US. in that tiny cramped "honeymoon suite". all of us, Hazel, Mabel, Carrie-Ann, Jazzlynn, my brother, Uncle Dan, Uncle James, Uncle Kaytee, Aunty Sherlene, Aunty Jill, Aunty Kym and me. 11 of us. in. one. small. hotel. room.

and naturally, the first thing we do, IS EAT ALL THE FOOD. I mean fruits.

Mabel the hero, can eat the jambu batu like that.

picking my jambu before people steal any.

then we decided fruits not enough. so we made people go down and get McD for us, right across the street. RM100 worth of McD.

then the bride zzzz. heeee :p

McD EVERYWHEREEE. she's admiring her rose petals.

she's getting her makeup done.

he's cutting his nails. HAHA.

reception table handlers.

Aunty Kym & Uncle Ken :D bratha & sistah.

table setting.

my babies!

my mummy & daddy. in case you haven't noticed yet, yellow & grey were the themes for the night.

that's me! and the bride & groom :D

the 3 male musketeers ; Uncle James, Uncle Kaytee & my brother.

my aunties, Carrie-Ann & Jessica :D

me, rocking my brother's blazer :p

k, I don't know what's this :D

me & my dadddyyyyy.

Aunty Sherlene & my two cousins, Mabel & baby Dylan!

me & Uncle Kaytee :)

bride & groom with Jaydene the extra photogenic 6 year old.

so super photogenic T_T

bride & groom with my Chekong Foi & Chimpo Sehmoi, which are the bride's parents.

supposedly getting ready to Party Rock. excuse the spaz face.

;D getting ready to Yam Seng y'all.

yumyum.

double perspective.

the height difference -_- since I was 4 and she was 2. she has always been taller than me T_T

groom doin' his thing.

then we do what we Nyonyas do best. DANCE. even in that sarong of ours we can jump around, shake and shuffle ;P

then everyone ends up drunk. *ps, hahahaha spot my daddy in his glasses B)

the 3 musketeers :D

when we say everyone gets drunk, we mean the groom too.

so drunk he can't stand on his own.
:D that was an extremely long picture update, no? and next : I will update about the Chip San Leong & Klang wedding! here's a teaser ;)

;)

loves.

X

trippin' & tumblin'.

2011-10-27T20:35:00.003+08:00

Listening to : Feel the Party Bass by Ryson

updates I owe :
1) Aunty Sherlene's Melaka wedding
2) Camy's birthday
3) Aunty Sherlene's Klang wedding

---

but that'll have to wait. becauseeeeeeeeee, my finals is in less than a week. it is on Tuesday in fact! so, I really really need to stop all the things that will distract me. despite that, I owe everyone a nice big fat update (thank you for all the reminders). and since I cannot update a big fat one, I decided I'd just summarise what I've been doing since the last time I updated!

k, here we go.

October 16th :

- Camilyn's birthday. sleptover in Swiss Garden Residences.

October 17th :

- skipped college! & went shopping in OU with my fam.

October 18th - 20th :

- college college college. the usual :)

October 19th :

- celebrated Li Lan's birthday in college! Peppercorn + RT.

October 21st :

- last day of college :( went home early & went back to Melaka.

October 22nd :

- Chip San Leong at Aunty Sherlene's house in the morning, fended off Uncle James' 14 hengdais, tuang teh, slept in the car otw to Klang, reached Klang, tuang teh #2, relax in their bedroom (tidur, watch YouTube, play with Dudu), dinner @ VGarden, went home.

October 23rd :

- drove all the way to JB, checked in at Thistle.

October 24th :

- swam all morning, lunch @ Gianni's, dinner @ Danga Bay, had an awesome date at night.

October 25th :

- went back to Melaka for a cpl've hours, then returned to KL.

October 26th :

- spent the entire day at home. lazing around.

October 27th :

- woke up early, cleaned the house, then went to pick my car.

AND HERE I AM :D I promise there will be a more detailed update soon :p sorry guyssss.

love y'all. here's a video to cheer up your day!

loves.

X

intervention.

2011-10-14T20:10:00.001+08:00

Listening to : Down by Jason Walker

hello! I'm updating my iPhone 4 to iOS 5 now (: and my bestie best friend, Jac, has finally gotten her iPhone! BUT, it's an iPhone4s. LUCKY GIRL :( now us, the trio, Shufs, Jac & I, have got iPhones! Jac & I have the white ones and Shuf is the black sheep :p hee. I can't wait for Jac to come back from Aussieland so we can have a reunion! the last time I saw her was like.. my birthday last year :(

anyway, still no update on the wedding because I still haven't received the photos. will get it next week during the second wedding (guy's side), and by next weekend I promise there will be an update !

---

I've got people asking me what kind of nyonya I am. because there are a few types. Penang nyonya, and all that. I'm a Melakan nyonya. because I come from Melaka -_- (obvious, no?) and my decedents are of Thai, Javanese, etc. technically, I am mixed. in a way. but the mixed part is 1/8th of me. the other 7/8th is Cina habis-habis :D my dad's side is pure Chinese but my mum's side is nyonya.

basically, if you read all the hikayat-hikayat in the BM text books, nyonyas are decedents of Puteri Hang Li Po & her "dayang-dayang" or rather her servants of royal descent. because her dayang-dayang (Chinese girls) married the Javanese/Thai peddlers and workers, we are of mixed descent! interesting, no?

so, I am of royal blood, but that blood is extremely diluted from all the Chinese people they've been marrying. on my grandma's side, we're of Thai descent. ironically, her surname is Thye -_- and on my grandpa's side, we're of Javanese descent. but we're Lee, so .. I don't know where that came from.

also, one of my ancestors is a Chinese gangster who's got a hanging grave. HAHA, okay, enough of my family history. I just wanted to say I am a nyonya from Melaka. K. hahaha, stop asking me.

I am techincally mixed, but if you count from my grandparents' then nooo, I'm chinese-nyonya. that's about it.

and yes, the clothes I'm wearing in my previous picture, is the traditional baju nyonya, that is the kebaya. no, it didn't come from the Malays. even though most Malay females have adopted the fashion of wearing the kebaya, it is still a traditional nyonya costume.

this is me & my kebaya the beginning of this year, and my Uncle James.

and this is me & like 1/16th of the nyonya girls in my family at my Uncle James' wedding a week ago.
I think I look slightly different. less pale.. and less stick-like. HAHA, and definitely older ;P oh wells.

anyway, this is a short post. and I RECOMMEND YOU ALL THE GO TO THE BIG BAD WOLF BOOK FAIR IN SERDANG. ITS THE LAST DAY TOMORROW. AND DESPITE SPENDDING RM300 YESTERDAY, I WOULD TOTALLY GO AGAIN IF I HAD THE TIME. kthxbai.

loves!

X

through the storm.

2011-10-13T16:55:00.002+08:00

Listening to : Not Afraid by Eminem

the bradahh and I
just a quick update before I go take a nice long shower and go out for dinner :) so, basically I went to college for almost nothing. we had all the usual classes but it was boring and we just did revision.

yesterday, I got my SAM forecast results and my classmates and I were contemplating to go to Taylor's Uni to go and apply for our LLB(Hons) in Law. and we decided we would do it today :) so we got all the preparations done, but I went home earlier, around 2.30pm, halfway through Psych class because Ms Wu was playing Facebook games and she told me to go to the "library" hahaha.

went with Mum to Lakeside and got everything done. was nervous like mad that I wouldn't be able to meet the requirements! but the best thing was, the senior admission officer actually came out and told me " at your current standings, you should be able to go online to our website and look for scholarships and bursaries, I'm sure we can do something for you "

AND THEN SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE'LL SEND ME MY LETTER OF ACCEPTANCE SOON.

so THATS IT. I'm now on my way to being an official student of LLB(Hons) in Law. and I'm excited like mad.

plus, Dad called me yesterday and told me that my car is ready. and that my number plate went through! my precious number plate that cost ME so much. I wanted to get my birthday, 2112, but that costs RM7k. which I honestly can't afford -_- so I'm stuck with my 3633. oh well :)

last day of college in this week tomorrow. then the weekend is here! will be having 2 sleepovers this weekend. & also going to the BOOK FAIR IN SERDANG. I'm such a nerd, homai. I can't wait. whee.

loves.

X

wake up.

2011-10-12T21:15:00.005+08:00

Listening to : Heartbeats by the Knife

hahaha, I'm doing yet another post because SOMEONE said my blog is so negative, I should write a positive post! but I have no idea what to write about, because I've come to a point where my life is at a standstill and admittingly, it is boring, but it's better than having so many things to juggle that I'm completely exhausted by the end of the day.

there you go, laugh at me xD I have a completely boring life. I read my own horoscope everyday. like some superstitious freak. and I've been studying like, every single day. getting my nerd on because finals is COMINGGGGG. I'm really afraid for my Economics. because everyone knows Economics is my worse subject :(

but thank goodness for Mrs. Goh, who's so nice to give me a B- for my forecast results! I hope I won't let her down. I hope I don't let all my teachers down! I am aiming for Taylor's Law School next year, and I most definitely will get in! I will work hard and do no matter what it takes to LEGALLY get in. not illegally lah!

on another note, submitting my forecast results to Taylor's Uni tomorrow. hopefully everything goes well & I'll start Uni on January 2012. according to a few of my friends, my results are indeed good enough to enter but I'm afraid that I won't be able to get a scholarship :\ gonna work hard towards that.

plus my dad's friend who's considering giving me a scholarship, said my attendance is very good cos I only missed one class the entire year. ONE CLASS. not one day. HAHA, so it's even easier to get a scholarship when they know I'll not waste their money by skipping classes.

urp, so that's my positive (sort of) update. to cover up for all the anger I've been emitting the past few posts. I know it's very unlike me to be negative, because I'm forever optimistic :p but yeah, sometimes I have bad days too! :)

will keep away from all the negativity now. study hard everyone, especially for my special special buddies doing AS finals RIGHT now & also to all my SAM July 2010, Jan, March 2011 buddies!

loves.

p/s: no wedding update because I haven't gotten the pictures yet. stay tuned.

X

never say never.

2011-10-12T20:51:00.002+08:00

what goes around, comes around. one day, you'll realise that :

1) I don't care.
2) I never did.
3) I never will.

and perhaps by then, it'll make you realise that you can do so much better than you're doing now. remember, karma's a bitch only when you are.

X

homebound.

2011-10-12T20:11:00.002+08:00

Listening to : Without You by David Guetta ft. Usher

five words ; you don't know what's happening.

loves.

good riddance.

2011-10-11T13:54:00.002+08:00

Listening to : Young Blood by Naked & Famous

just cleared my Facebook of people I no longer want to have anything to do with. I've been annoyed long enough. I should've just listened to my friends and deleted you long ago. but no, I was trying to be nice, trying to be your friend.

preaching to me, or talking to me about your religion is fine. I'm open minded enough. but when you preach to me, ARGUE with me about your religion when you don't even practice it yourself, I don't see why I should even bother giving you a fraction of my time.

religion isn't something you FIGHT over. discuss logically, and BE CIVIL as I am to you. I believe what I want, you believe what you want. I never insulted your religion, I don't see why you should insult mine. and stop telling me I'M WRONG. for all you know, you're wrong too. I'm sure your God will be so proud of you right now.

loves.

irreplaceable.

2011-10-10T09:15:00.001+08:00

Listening to : Keep The Streets Empty for Me by Fever Ray

first thing's first, you may copy my style, my words or whatever, but the thing is you can never be me. you'll never have the same voice, same face, same smile. you will never be anything but just a FAKE version of me. so your boyfriend chose you because he couldn't get me - that doesn't give you ANY reason to come and try to be me. I have never interfered with your relationship, neither would I ever bother, so don't blame me for things that have happened to you. I don't even know you. I don't want to.

done with the ranting, and on with a picture :)

just a little snippit on whats to come in my next update, most probably. a wedding night to remember indeed! that's me and my nyonya cousins (and two aunties) and my very very drunk uncle (who was the groom) hehehe. stay tuned!

loves.

X

the forgotten.

2011-10-07T13:36:00.003+08:00

Now Playing : Beth by Glee Cast

hey guys :) sorry for the lack of updates & thank youuu, for my 'fans' who have tweeted/fb-ed/emailed me! I'm trying to personally reply every single one of you but I haven't got the time. sorry!

so, this is going to be a short update, because I'm going back home to Melaka this weekend! yesss, I know. it's been so long since I've been back! and I honestly can't wait. will update about the weekend when I come home on Sunday night.

another thing, I've got the bestest (early) 18th birthday present from my parents! will reveal what it is (but I'm sure some of my twitter stalkers already know!) & post pictures when I actually receive it.

mucho loves.

shallow-minded.

2011-10-01T23:40:00.003+08:00

Listening to : Just a Kiss by Lady Antebellum

so I've been asking around on what to blog about, and a few of my friends said, "blog about yourself". and I thought, yeah, cool, I can do that. I love talking about myself. HAHA. & that's partially true (lie, it's very true) and you know, it's interesting, right? RIGHT? (no, it's not)

anyway, I was thinking of what to write about myself & this morning, I was going through a couple of my horoscope stuff. and I realised, heyyy, I can write me as a Sagittarian. because, naturally, that's the thing that "predicts" who I am, and most of them are true. (it's kind of scary)

so I was reading through TrueSagittarian, and they had a lot of things that seriously resembled me. so I'm going to list a few,

1) A Sagittarius cares deeply for their bestfriends. They treat them with respect & is loyal to them

2) A Sagittarius will play dumb when they know you're playing them.

3) A Sagittarius will never get vulnerable for you. You can't even try.

4) A Sagittarius knows how to hide their emotions well but when it's too much for them: all hell breaks loose.

5) A Sagittarius are super protective when it comes to someone they care very much.

6) There's nothing more a Sagittarius hates than liars.

7) Honesty is VERY important to a Sagittarius, they will never EVER forget a person who was lied to them.

8) Sagittarius only offer their generosity when it is appreciated and returned. Reject it once, they will never offer again.

9) Sagittarius is like a lie detector.

10) Sagittarius are most likely to know the truth when a lie comes out.

11) A Sagittarius is that one friend who helps you in your toughest situation and gives best advices. They lift you up from the ground one by one.

12) A Sagittarius is very honest and blunt because they believe everyone deserves the truth.

13) A Sagittarius is sure of themselves and doesn't care what you think.

14) Sagittarius is often misunderstood and judged easily. When they're unjudgmental and understanding.

15) Sagittarius isn't much of a hater. They don't care.

there's a few. so, the last few kind of got me thinking about a few things. especially number 13, 14 and 15.

lately I've had so many people say, " oh, I heard ____ said you hate her " , and usually my reply is, " who the heck is that? " because like how number 15 states, I'm not much of a hater. I simply do not care.

THIS much, is very true. everyone always says things like, " oh you know that girl doesn't like you because .... " and usually the response they get is " so what? -_- I don't even know who that is " ask ANY of my friends. they can confirm that with you.

I've had people tell me they hate me before, ONE person in particular, who has become a constant joke between my circle of friends, because she hated me for no reason. and she was the one who made friends with me first. and also cos her group of friends think I care that they hate me. and also cos one of her friend has a fake accent and thinks she's so A cos she's rich. and, stuff.

the joke is that, most of their friends, don't like them. and most of their friends, don't like them because they hate me & also because they publically (attempted to) make a fool out of me, which only backfired cos I've got more swag than them. HAHA, okay, jokes aside.

anyway, so this person tells me she hates me, then you know, the usual, I tell her " okay, have fun. thank you for your kind interest in me " and she goes with the very low blow of " I know deep down inside you care" kind of nonsense.

ANDDDD, this is where the joke starts. because, first of all, I didn't know she was a psychic. & I didn't even know she could look deep down inside me. plus, I don't even know why she even thinks she knows me enough to say that kind of stuff to me.

because, if YOU really knew me, you would know I wouldn't care. people hate me for no reason. I never give ANYONE a reason to hate me. for the most part, people hate me because they make reasons up to hate me. apparently she thinks I'm annoying. so is Justin Bieber, so why don't you go hate him too?

people who hate me then decide that I care, are ignorant and shallow fools with nothing to do with their life. because seriously, if I cared, wouldn't I be shedding some tears? wouldn't I be fighting back, instead of giving you a thumbs up and telling you " cool story bro ".

if I cared, sweetheart, you would be buried so deep underground, no one will find you. & because I don't, you are alive and well today, and doing whatever nonsense you want, wasting your life away.

and you know what's the reason I don't care? because if you cared about every single thing people thought about me, you wouldn't have time to even breathe. & neither will I.

I've gone through this so many times that, you know what? been there, done that, seriously don't give a damn. I don't even blink my eyes or let my heart feel heavy whenever I hear people say " __ hates you " or some shit like that, because isn't hate so overrated?

AND ALSO, another thing I'd like to touch upon is people who ask me " since ___ hates you, do you hate her too? "

why in the nonsensical world would I EVEN BOTHER?! hate me then hate lah, I've already established, I DON'T CARE.

and according to number 14, I'm unjudgmental. which is very true. I don't ever hate anyone when I've never met them, I've never even bothered to learn any of my haters' names, or whatever (for those unknowns who hate me for.. whatever fairytale nonsense they've got in their head) and also, I don't ever look at people solely base on the outside.

like my previous post says, everyone is judgmental at first. but only people who are truly judgmental will keep judging, without knowing. people who are truly unjudgmental, will have a first impression in mind, BUT will not confirm it without knowing full well of the facts.

and I'm that second person. I may have first impressions, but I never judge a person fully without knowing first. so the next time you think about asking me a question like " do you hate ___ ? " when I don't even know who that is, then please slap yourself in the face and think again.

before I end this post, I just want to say something to reflect all of this ;

you know when you love someone, you kind of have this obsession? like you constantly check on them, to see if they're okay, to see how they're doing. and you constantly need to know what's going on in their life?

fruit for thought,

you know when you hate someone, you kind of have this obsession? like you constantly check on them, to see if they've done anything worth laughing at, to see if their boyfriend/girlfriend is hotter than yours. and you constantly need to know what's going on in their life?

so my dear haters, admittingly so, you're just like a fan to me. so, you can duly understand, why I don't really care that you hate me.

loves!

stranger in my own home.

2011-09-26T21:19:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Hurricane by 30 Seconds to Mars

Hello everyone, once again. I've cleared up my blog & now I've got a clean slate. this is going to be an extremely long post because I've felt the need to express all my unwritten thoughts, after months of keeping them pent up in my head, albeit this can be said as my "hi, I'm back" post as well.

the reason why I revamped & restarted my blog is not because I actually have the time to update daily. I'm yet to be free from the shackles and bonds of the SAM life & I can say all but ONE THING about living the SAM life. it really is " Suicide Attempt Matriculation ", especially if you start in the March intake. maybe think twice before any one of you intend to pursue it. so back to the point, the main reason why I re-opened my blog is just as a place to vent my feelings and such.

and I want to be very very clear about some things. first & foremost, this is MY blog. I have the right to say what I want and as I am the determinant of my own nature, I don't really care if you think my opinions are wrong or whatever. I have my opinions, as do you. if you think I'm wrong, sure, go ahead, think I'm wrong. I'm not stopping you. but do not come up with arguments with me, do not even attempt to pick a fight with me, because for all YOU know, YOU'RE WRONG. not me.

secondly, I'm not one to update my blog regularly, in fact if not at all. I'm not punctual, I don't have set dates, I just write when I want to write. I do not like to be hassled on what I'm writing about, and I certainly hate the question "WHEN ARE YOU GONNA UPDATE" like 20 times each day. please, I am at my own pace. and I'm very busy with my other priorities as well.

thirdly, I won't blog about my daily life all the time. in fact, I feel like most of my posts here would just be a source of my reflections & my thoughts about some things. so I don't think it'll all be very 'social' and that kind of stuff. I'm more into documenting my thoughts and perspective in things. because I don't really like to entertain my readers with pictures of myself doing stuff that are so boring. HAHA.

fourthly, okay there is not fourth. I'm just going to start writing a nice long blog post now :)

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recently, due to my extremely crazy and chaotic college life, I haven't had the time to stop and think about life. I barely even have time to sleep, let alone breathe. I'm worn out, I'm stressed out & every night, the moment my head touches the pillow, I'm off to lalaland. I no longer have the time to lay awake in bed, stare at the ceiling & think about things that have happened throughout the day or something like that.

for the past few days, I've been listening to a friend tell me a story, where he met a new friend who was being judgmental about a few of his other friends, and my friend confronted him. and at this point, this new friend eventually retaliated, by calling him a hypocrite. and this friend of mine was furious, because his reason was "I don't judge anyone! I'm not a hypocrite!"

but has it ever crossed your mind that everyone is judgmental at some point? even the saintest of Saints wouldn't be able to be non-judgmental. and by hearing other people call others judgmental, they're basically being hypocritical. okay, I'm pretty sure many of you are confused by now. so, moving on,

by definition, human nature is something we cannot help. we are aware of it, we try to go against it, but we cannot. because like nature, it's natural. it's more like an instinct. and being judgmental is part of human nature. judging other people is human nature.

you might not be aware of it. you might not even realise that you're judging someone. mainly because whenever people say "he's judging you", it is automatically a negative thought. but just because someone judges you, you cannot perceive that his judgment is purely negative, because judging a person can very well be sizing them up.

the most obvious way, as they say, is first impressions are the most important. you cannot have a first impression about someone without judging them first. when you look at a person wearing a tuxedo & carrying a briefcase, what is your first initial thought? Businessman? James Bond? Rich? Hardworking? Corporate? don't you think these are all judgments?

we are taught from young how to judge a person, especially in Chinese families, we are educated from young who to discriminate. it's not a healthy practice but it happens. I'm sure many people can relate to this as well.

for example, girls are taught from young that "men are always trying to take advantage of you" & "most men just pretend to be nice to you but they always have different motives". me, being the oldest & the only girl in the family is VERY used to this. I always ask my mother how in the world she even got married when she constantly tells me that men are bad people.

that's not only stereotypical but very judgmental. I have so many friends who tell me, "I met this really nice guy today.. but I'm sure as I get to know him, he's going to be a bad guy". I don't exactly know why nice guys are always supposed to be the bad guys in disguise, but apparently that's the growing trend since the dawn of age.

there are many other things that are very judgmental, where people sometimes look at beggars and the first thing they think of is avoiding them, be it because they're dirty or they will bug you, it is still very judgmental. no human in this world is able to keep himself from judging someone else.

you may help the world, you may be the next Mother Teresa or the next Gandhi, but there will still be that small part of your mind that constantly looks at everyone around you and judges them.

the point of this whole post, is not to rub it in everyone's face that you're judgmental. but it's to make people realise, that you are exactly the same as everyone else. some people judge more than others, when they indeed have no right to do so. but at some point of your life, you will do it too.

so the next time you want to carelessly call someone judgmental, how about you sit down and have a chat with him before you judge him?

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such a pointless ramble. grr, bye.